Temporary Friends July 22, 2011

About a month ago, I went to a wedding. At this wedding, I knew three people–the bride, the groom, and the best man. And, at least in my network of friends, the feeling at a social event where you don’t really know anybody is kind of awkward. You really only have two options:

1) Ignore everybody, and act like a giant weirdo.

2) Try to make small talk with some strangers.

I usually chose option 1. (Or, the offshot of it, don’t go at all.) I feel like I grew up in a world where everything has a point. And I never understood making small talk with people you’d never see again. What’s the point of that? You’re not gaining anything from it. You’re not really giving anything to the other person. All you’re doing is fighting boredom for a few moments.

For whatever reason, I would act this way. That unless you were in a situation where there was some tangible benefit to engaging with somebody, what’s the point? Now, if you asked me about it, I would have never actually admitted to that. I never had those thoughts. I’ve always been reserved, and it takes real energy for me to meet people. I’m not the life of the party and I never will be. So to spend up social energy on people who you will never see again–how could that be worth it?

As I’ve gotten older, this mindset has started to fade. For me, meeting people is not as hard anymore. I’m not as quiet as I used to be, and now I can just talk to people with no agenda. It makes you more real. You don’t need anything from the person, you’re just celebrating being alive.

Case(s) in point–the short chat with the storeowner. These people are dwindling by the day, as Walmarts and Starbucks and their ilk dominate the landscape, but it is always nice to see somebody who has their own interesting place of business, specialized, and it’s great to talk to them for a few brief moments and then go on your way.

In June, I was taking a huge test. When I was there, a girl, fresh out of college named Amber started talking to me about the test, and we just struck up a conversation about our lives and what we were in for. We talked for maybe 20 or 30 minutes, and after we finished the test, we went our separate ways. We didn’t exchange contact info, so there is a 99.9% chance I will never see this girl again. However, when we were both there and nervous about this test and needing a distraction, we were able to connect like that.

Same thing at the wedding. I went not knowing anybody who would be at my table (like I said, I knew people there, but they were going to be very busy with other things that night.)  I met some people about my age. I didn’t want to be friends with them, but they weren’t bad people, they weren’t dreadfully boring or crazy. They were fine. And that’s all you need sometimes in a social situation…just people to help pass the time. It doesn’t matter that you’ll never see them again, it’s just nice to meet somebody and talk about this crazy world we live in for a little while.

 

Is City Life More Stressful? July 13, 2011

A recently published study says that city life is likely to be more stressful than rural areas:

NEW YORK – This may come as no surprise to residents of New York City and other big urban centers: Living there can be bad for your mental health.

Now researchers have found a possible reason why. Imaging scans show that in city dwellers or people who grew up in urban areas, certain areas of the brain react more vigorously to stress. That may help explain how city life can boost the risks of schizophrenia and other mental disorders, researchers said.

Previous research has found that growing up in a big city raises the risk of schizophrenia. And there’s some evidence that city dwellers are at heightened risk for mood and anxiety disorders, although the evidence is mixed.

I was in New York City today. And I have to say, I was stressed. There are people everywhere, some of them great, some of them loud, inconsiderate, or crazy. You are crammed on a subway, crammed on a train, crammed on a sidewalk. There are more things to do, but there are more people who want to do those things.

This was not at rush hour–it was in the middle of the day. I can see the anxiety and stress that living in a large metropolitan area breeds. However, I certainly do see the benefits of that life, and maybe the stress is worth the excitement. There is probably more exciting leisure activities in New York than there is in a town of 77 people. So I agree with the stress–doing things causes stress. However, whether or not it is a bad thing and a necessary evil is another question, and one I can’t definitively answer.

$1 for Health Care July 7, 2011

This was news a few weeks ago, but it definitely got my attention:

Some people who need medical care but can’t afford it go to the emergency room. Others just hope they’ll get better. James Richard Verone robbed a bank.

Earlier this month, Verone (pictured), a 59-year-old convenience store clerk, walked into a Gastonia, N.C., bank and handed the cashier a note demanding $1 and medical attention. Then he waited calmly for police to show up.

He’s now in jail and has an appointment with a doctor this week.

News like this has come out every once in a while, and I’m actually surprised it doesn’t happen more often. It is legitimately crazy that we don’t have universal health care. Republicans don’t want it (it helps poor people). Democrats don’t want to push for it (helping poor people not worth the effort). People across the country delay urgent health needs because they can’t afford to pay for it. This is the United States, 2011.

I’d say we could be more like Sweden, but then I see stories like this:

Stockholm: At the “Egalia” preschool, staff avoid using words like “him” or “her” and address the 33 kids as “friends” rather than girls and boys.

From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don’t fall into gender stereotypes.

“Society expects girls to be girlie, nice and pretty and boys to be manly, rough and outgoing,” says Jenny Johnsson, a 31-year-old teacher. “Egalia gives them a fantastic opportunity to be whoever they want to be.”

The taxpayer-funded preschool which opened last year in the liberal Sodermalm district of Stockholm for kids aged 1 to 6 is among the most radical examples of Sweden’s efforts to engineer equality between the sexes from childhood onward.

Now, I can understand not forcing people into stereotypical gender roles. That’s a good idea. But a 2 year old boy is….a 2 year old boy. If a two year old boy wants to play with a Barbie, ok, I can accept that. But getting rid of gender alltogether? Too far.